Day's Diary

May 4, 2007 ~ Sons and Daughters

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I came to Malawi as a single person, but I will leave Malawi as the mother to many. This is part of the Malawian culture. I am acquiring sons and daughters as I live here. The custom is that when one is befriended by another who helps in a significant way, the way to show respect and appreciation is to address that person as Mummy or Dad. I have become Mummy to a number of people here. Most are my students or their families although there are Stephen and Medson, vendors, who have become a regular part of my life. The list is growing, but with some the relationship is deepening.

You have heard of a few of them already – Bessie and Charles in particularly. The relationship with Charles is deepening. Charles’ mother died in March. His wife, of just four months at that time, cared for her until her death. Charles is a second year student and so was not to bring his wife to campus this year because of the financial hardships of the college. This was in God’s plan, he felt, because then his wife Alinafe was there to care for his mother when she needed the care the most. But after her death, things got hard for them because the house in which they were living was a rental and Charles could not afford that and the college expenses. Several of the students knew this and went to the college administration to ask if there might not be special permission for him to move into a house that needed repair. They felt this was a special situation. The college administration said they could not grant that because it was a decision of the board, but if the Synod asked the college to help and they provided the finances for it that would be a different matter. That is when the students came to me, to ask if I would intercede with the Synod. My concern was that there would be hard feelings with those who could not have their wives here. I was assured that that would not be the case. It was those students who were asking for this. So I asked, the Synod said yes and asked the college. The problem was that no one had the money needed to repair the house and after visiting it, Silas and I decided that it had to be repaired before anyone could live in it. Working together, I came up with the money to make the repairs and Silas provided the skilled workmen to do the job. The Synod is helping by handling the purchasing of materials and using their discounts and tax free status to save us some money. All of this will be done by the first of June, hopefully. To Charles, I was Mummy, again and in a deeper way.

But the problem still remained that he did not have the money to keep his wife and his deceased sister’s son, who is eight, and for whom he is now responsible, in housing in Blantyre until June. After prayer, I offered my spare bedroom to them. I have a very large house, by Malawian standards, and I felt guilty having an empty room when people I knew needed a place to stay. After some conversation and assurances that I was serious, they willingly accepted the invitation. Alinafe and John (the boy), made preparations to move. Yesterday Charles and I drove to Blantyre to pack up the household things and move the family to Zomba.

This is Malawi, so we didn’t go alone. Others had heard we were going (there are no secrets at ZTC!). One asked if I could take maize to his family in Blantyre and two others asked if they could ride with us. I was concerned about space, but this is Malawi and saying no is very difficult. So we loaded five bags of maize (50 pound each) into the back of the truck and the four of us took off for Blantyre. We deposited the passengers at the points they needed to go and the maize at the family home of the student and headed to the house to gather Alinafe, John and their belongings. Alinafe came out to greet us and hugged me, addressing me as “Mummy.” I have a new daughter, now. Charles had assured me that they didn’t have much, since there were newly married and had been living with his mother. Most of the things in the house belonged to others, he said. He underestimated what they had. When they began to pull the katundu (luggage, stuff) out of the house, I just shook my head. There was no way it was all going to fit in the back. Even as good as I am at packing, I couldn’t make it all fit. Charles said that was fine. They would hold things on their laps on the way back. After all, this is Malawi. We did well at packing and had only three large things for them to hold, but that put three adults and a child and the katundu in the back. It was crowded, but no one complained.

When we arrived at the campus, my other “sons” were watching for us and came to help unload and to greet the new members of this make-shift family. John does not speak English, so our communication is taking work. Last night as we unloaded the truck, he just sat in the living room, looking a bit lost and overwhelmed. As all the katundu was stacked in the spare room, it became difficult to find the bed. This is going to take some organization. Today, John is feeling more comfortable. He is in and out of the study, as I write, looking with great interest at the computer and all the things that are foreign to him. He seems to like to just stand beside me and watch. Monday Alinafe will enroll him in school here and his new life will begin in earnest. Having a child in the house makes it feel like a family is living here.

We are a make shift family, to be certain, but that is the pattern in Malawi. I am gathering sons and daughters in the Malawian way. We are becoming part of one another’s lives, if only for this short time. When I leave, I will carry them in my heart for they are teaching me about family life in Malawi.